Brave kids, It’s less common to hear these days but an old known fact “Make them brave, not safe” is making a come back.
Brave Kids- The Law
UTAH in the US has just passed a new law making it legal for parents to allow their kids out alone.
Let me repeat that. It’s now legal in UTAH to allow your kids to walk to school or play out on their own.
Why I hear you ask was it ever illegal?
The last few decades we have been guilty of wrapping our kids in cotton wool and its having negative social effects as well as mental health effects.
I’ll be writing in more depth about that this year as ive been deep in study covering this subject and i have a lot to say.
Brave Kids – Illusions?
Making kids safe is an illusion or at best massively misunderstood. For example, why did injuries in car accidents go up when baby seats were made law?
It is of course instinctive to make them safe but we do it at a cost. I’m not talking taking stupid risks here. Wear a helmet on your bike and be sensible, but take risks, you have to take risks.
We have thousands of stories and classic literature warning us of the dangers of the overbearing parent. There are fantastic tales with archetypal characters that represent the human psyche. The world is full of these stories, from Disney to Buddhism the warnings are there.
Brave Kids – Build them
So finally in UTAH, parents can let their children walk to school without being arrested. This shouldn’t be news, this shouldn’t be happening. The fact that it is, happens to be both good and bad. Good its happening, bad it ever was.
I wouldn’t normally post an advert, I despise most marketing (except my own) but this video has a great message
Heading Which Way – We are strange complicated creatures us, humans
We go to see our doctors when ill but only 60% of us take the pills prescribed. Out of that 60 %, most take them badly, finish the course to soon, drink alcohol on them and so on.
Its well documented that many people waiting for a liver transplant will not take the pills required for the body to accept the new liver. Think about that, they have been waiting for a donor and going through the blood cleansing process of dialysis. Yet when an organ turns up many don’t take the medicine required for the operation to be successful.
Heading Which Way – What is it?
We will queue up in a supermarket to buy cigarette products we know are killing us. To make it worse the death we might suffer is graphically depicted on the packet. They roll up the shutter door and you can choose from lung cancer, mouth cancer or a stillbirth.
Now I’m no monster. I understand addictions to some degree.
I’ve lost a few friends growing up at a young age. My best friend died after years of heroin use, so did his wife and so did many of my others I know.
Heading Which Way – Cycles of destruction?
I have friends who watched their parents die from alcohol abuse, it tore them apart. Yet they continue the cycle. It seems having kids of their own doesn’t seem to be enough of a responsibility to snap out of a self-destructive lifestyle.
I’m not judging anyone here, it’s not fun watching your friends kill themselves. Which is why I chose another path away from those influences.
Heading Which Way – A way out?
You are either heading up or down, I guess its possible to maintain a state of being but I’d argue that’s going down. Down to hell or up to heaven the religious would say. Or if you would like to read some fascinating studies and thoughts on these subjects. Then check out Jordan Peterson, possibly the man leading the world in a philosophical battle of good and evil right now.
Some simple things he points out resonate with me such as
Is your life improving slightly day by day
Is your health, are you working on it
Your relationships too
Tidy your room, if you cant organise your room, then your house. Then how can you organise anything, anyone? How can you offer advice if you can’t keep your house tidy? I’ve oversimplified it, you really need to read it.
If the little things in your life are not improving. Let’s say they are getting worse. Like the washing up is piling up, your getting fatter, your health is deteriorating, your alcohol consumption is up and up.
Then you are on a downward trajectory
He goes into great depth on many subjects and he offers some solutions. This is not a preachy judgmental book. He has helped tens of thousands of people pull themselves out of hell and to walk tall with their shoulders back.
Heading Which Way – 10 % happier
We can all imagine our own version of hell. It’s easy to grasp awful ideas.
But we don’t know how happy and how much meaning our lives can have unless we aim towards it a little every day though.
You can improve every single aspect of your life, it just takes effort. Head up.
We’ll smoke the ciggies, we’ll snort the coke, we’ll drink until our kidneys hurt and we’ll do it all tucking our kids into bed.
Why do we find it so hard to eat well, sleep well, keep fit and engage in life?
Possibly because the effects are not instant and possibly because we are ashamed of ourselves?
“I wish you all a life free of unnecessary suffering and anxiety, a life full of love and compassion, joy and happiness, peace and calm and one full of meaning.” Matt
There are a few tools you can use to help control heart rate. Here are 2.
Meditation – This can help to not get caught up in the emotion. Meditation is an amazing tool to develop mental strength. You see your thoughts and you recognise you are not thinking them. You then develop the skill to not attach to them. Stress levels can go through the roof when confronted by an opponent or a threat. To focus and calm the mind with skills developed through meditation gives you a huge advantage
Sparring – This is sort of obvious though there are a few schools of thought on this. We basically work like this. 100 training sessions are light technical sparring and 1 session is tough intense sparring. So we operate a 100/1 ratio in our sparring classes. This helps develop the skills needed to spar safely and build confidence. After that its simply more time on the mats sparring, keeping that ego in check. Not getting too stressed and overwhelmed.
We hope this was helpful, in the end there are no shortcuts. More time on the mats surrounded by the right people builds confidence. This helps with stress levels and this improves not only combat but in all of life when mastered.
Social Media Self Defence – Twitter & Facebook are NOT REAL Life
We are in a strange time and place where humans are struggling to adapt to the current technological landscape.
BAD NEWS is, it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
GOOD NEWS is, you can train to keep the wolves and keyboard warriors at bay.
So have you ever commented on a post and before you know it, your being attacked and abused?
The simplest comment can be met with insults and anger. If you haven’t then can you please send me your secret.
Social Media Self Defence – The signs
The first signs are usually people respond with something personal. This is your warning sign, it’s all about the ideas. Let’s say we’re discussing a political idea or a training technique, it doesn’t really matter.
The thing we’re discussing is an idea, we are not our idea’s, ideas can change. As soon as someone criticises you and not your idea the conversation is going well off track.
Simply respond with “Can we leave me out of this, i’d like to stick with the subject and idea”
I have been in debates where people have gone completely insane and insulting. I keep repeating this until they get it and we continue or i leave the conversation.
Social Media Self Defence – Go ahead punk, change my mind
I always like to squeeze in the invitation, go ahead punk, change my mind. I mean it, if your idea is better than my own then I’m shifting my paradigm over, that’s what I live for. I’m not here to prove I’m right, so prove my idea wrong or weak.
Imagine a world where politicians acted like that. Instead of turning up to argue and prove a point. Turn up to get to the best outcome, so in the end, we all win. We can dream eh!
Social Media Self Defence – Insane rabbit head
It’s always helpful to remember that. If a man in a rabbit head mask shouted across the street. “you have absolutely no idea how to xxxxxxxxx” You wouldn’t automatically think “oh let’s sit down and discuss this, i need to explain my life to you”
No, you’d think, fruitcake stay out of my life in off for a coffee. Social media is the same, random strangers with random profile pics. Saying random things often for no reason than to antagonise others.
There possibly also 12 years old and have nothing better to do than bait people much much wiser.
Social Media Self Defence – Stay Free
Don’t get caught up in it. It’s not real and while in the moment it can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions. Its simply a keyboard and a screen, turn it off.
No one, and I mean no one will care or remember a few hours later.
The moment your child can tie their own laces, make their own bed and pack their own equipment before training. This should now be their responsibility forever more. Doing it for them is robbing them of responsibility and essential skills for life.
Don’t steal from your children – Start Young
You’ve no doubt heard someone repeat the following from someone, ive even heard this reported in the news. I mean the news report it as if a crime. That’s the sort of moral punch these actions carry
“It’s awful, they sacked her for work via a text message” or “She dumped him on Facebook, how terrible”
So the person sending these text messages and Facebook dear Johns learnt that behaviour from somewhere. I mean it must seem acceptable to them in some weird reality.
Don’t steal from your children – Seeing the lessons
I believe it boils down to responsibility and we start teaching that age 5 in our classes. Now here’s an example of how the above behaviour becomes acceptable.
James is 6 years old, he’s been at his martial arts club for a year now. He decides he wants to leave and try football. Nothing wrong with that. We all leave, I left my coach and he left his coach.
Now, when I left my coach I went to see him and I thanked him for his mentoring and passion. In fact, every single relationship I’ve ever been in when its time to move on I’ve made that dreaded visit and spoken face to face.
Don’t steal from your children – Take Responsibility
So James wants to leave after a year, so dad calls into the club to say he’s leaving. Now is dad going to tell James’s girlfriend they are splitting up? Or is dad going into work for James and telling them he’s got a new job.
Doubtful isn’t it, now I’m being silly but you get my point?
James aged 5 would be served well by parents if he were taught to speak to the people he’s in relationships with himself.
Don’t steal from your children – Release good manners in the world
Its basically good manners, you’re releasing them into the world to figure so much out its mindboggling. If the basics are taught at an early age it makes things much smoother
You get out of this life what you put in, I’m not on about hippy nonsense here.
Like push ups, you do sloppy push ups in practice. You get sloppy push ups as a result
Focus and attention play a huge part in martial arts. When someone is moving around in front of you throwing kicks and punches it pays to be in the moment.
The mind is a tricky little thing though before you know it, there it goes. Thinking about PS4 or whats for tea.
Laser Beam Focus – New ways we have been working it with the kids
So in our kid’s classes, we have been working with some new simple techniques to improve focus. Into laser beam focus of course.
Thes can be used at home by the parent for two minutes at a time twice a week. We noticed almost instant results. Though saying that it is something that should be done with persistence. Over many years if you really want a warrior mindset
Simply get a meditation bell (follow this link) Now sit down with your child, eyes closed. Ring the bell and when you can’t hear the bell any longer raise your hand. You can stop the bell ringing at different times. Or let it fade away naturally. This really does focus the mind and you can do it along with your child. Hey, you might feel the benefits too. Actually, let me rephrase that. You will definitely feel the benefits if you do this.
Get a cushion, lay down and put it on your child’s belly. Instruct them to breathe in and move the cushion up, breath out and bring it down. Repeat, do this twice a week for two minutes at a time. Breathing techniques are at the heart of martial arts and meditation. Breathing helps you control your power, emotions and resistance to strikes. Join in with your kids, as with exercise 1 you will benefit from this enormously.
Laser Beam Focus – In a crazy distracted world
Just a few minutes a day can have a profound effect. In todays world the skill of controlling the mind, not being distracted. Well, I think we all know, Facebook, Twitter and on and on it goes.
Theis is not wishy-washy hippy nonsense. The studies are out, they have been confirmed by science and millions of people worldwide.
Look after your mind because the revolution is internal
Human Connections Martial Arts – Babies die without touch, even with good nutrition and we lock criminals in a room alone away from murderers and rapists as punishment.
Human touch has profound effects on our well being and psyche. In bizarre experiments first recorded in ancient Rome by Emporer Frederick. Babies were isolated without touch or communication to see what language they would speak. Frederick believed we were born with a pure language built in, the children all died
King James of Scotland a few hundred years later repeated the experiments, the results were the same
Human Connections martial arts
In Victorian England, child mortality was extremely high, disease obviously played a part in this. Though the orphanage’s of that era meant children were left alone with no love. No cuddling and little human connections which are believed to of played a big part in the high death rates.
So why am I rambling on about this seemingly morbid subject?
Banana dog. He Likes Cuddles
Human Connections And The Martial Way
Martial arts by nature force us, kids and adults, into intimate human connections. Now I know people are not dying from neglect these days, well in Lincoln anyhow. That’s not my point, the benefits of human connections martial arts are huge.
It’s been proven that human connections martial arts help with depression. It can even ease pain.
In our martial arts classes like our Ju Jitsu, you spend a few hours a week grappling and rolling with other people. Now there are no studies into this that I know of so I’m making assumptions and leaps of faith based on studies in other areas.
I also believe it’s one of the reasons people stick with martial arts, even if they don’t realise it themselves. The euphoric feeling after a class is a combination of intense physical activity, human connections. The competitive pressure, mild suffering, living in the moment forgetting about the outside world for a few hours a week. These things are important and the latter is why monks sit in isolation for decades. This state of mind is difficult to achieve. The fact that most adults even when they have never met before give their training partner a hug when training finishes says a lotI i think
Human Connections martial arts
The fact that most adults even when they have never met before, give their training partner’s a hug when training finishes says a lot I think.
Strangers hugging, what kind of hippy commune is this?
Martial Arts Lessons Ive learnt on the mats that have had a profound effect on my life
Martial Arts Lessons 1/ Emotion
Learning to control my emotion on the mats has had profound effects off the mats in my daily life. When sparring and your opponent has the better of you there are two major choices 1/ Get mad and respond with anger or 2/ Stay calm, work out how you got there and try not to let it happen again. When you have been training this for years it’s second nature. Instead of reacting to every drama out there, you see things with a new calm perspective
Now simply apply this martial art lesson to arguments, Facebook attacks, finances and so on.
Martial Arts Lessons 2/ Debate – Go ahead punk, change my mind
When I walk onto the mats I’m an open book, ready to learn, unlearn and relearn. If you’re tapping me out I’m not just resisting the truth and denying whats happening. I’m listening to whats happening and how it happened and I’m learning to adapt and evolve my game. This means accepting new ideas and ways of doing things.
Now transfer this martial art lesson into your next Facebook argument or debate with a friend. Do not enter like a politician firmly fixed and immovable forever defending your idea. Let a better idea take over, adopt it, grow and evolve. Enter with this mindset “Go ahead punk, change my mind”
Martial Arts Lessons 3/ Living in the past
When rolling in Ju Jitsu and ive taken my opponent to the mat with a leg reap. There is a point I need to let go and let gravity and the energy do its thing. If I hold on in some cases it makes it much worse for me, I’m living in the past, I should have let go. There are times when we need to hold onto the past and times to let go. One can lead us to submitting our opponent with a beautiful armbar and one can lead us into being arm barred. Know when to let go.
Living in the past can be like walking through treacle, it’s sometimes useful of course though many stay attached to negative emotions for many many years, learn to let go.
Martial Arts Lessons 4/ Goal setting – Motivation
Having goals helps measure growth in skills and performance as well as something to aim for. Martial arts gradings are a series of goals structured over a 25 year plus syllabus. The early stages are every three months giving students clear goals and skills to develop. This, in turn, motivates people to achieve set goals and builds the habits of virtually every successful person on this planet.
Martial Arts Lessons 5/ Here Now
Martial arts helps develop a mind that remains present, focused and sharp. When performing high-intensity sparring or pad drills, you are forced to stay in the moment. A momentary lapse and drift into whats on TV later will lead to a short sharp shock in the form of a glove on your nose. You can have a truly awful day, stress, work, finances etc. When you get on those mats the world melts away and you are in the moment, all that exists is right here right now.
Life is like a sausage machine, you get out what you put in.