Kids Bullying School Lies

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Kids Bullying School Lies

Kids Bullying School Lies

Kids Bullying School Lies – Lies?

I seem to be getting into this discussion with parents a lot again lately.

It starts something like this “My child was put in isolation for defending themselves”

Or one I had the other day “we ended up getting a solicitor to talk to the school and the solicitor said the school don’t allow kids to defend themselves”

Well excuse my bluntness, BUT that solicitor is an idiot and your kid’s school is lying to you.

Kids Bullying School Lies – Rights

I’m going to keep it simple, if you require more information please get in touch.

  • Self defence is a legal right and no one can take that away
  • No school or workplace policy is above the law
  • Your school has a duty of care to your child
  • If they take away your child’s rights to defend themselves they are failing in their duty of care and breaking the law
  • By taking away their right to defend themselves, they are adding duress and stress to your child’s well being and school experience
  • The law as it relates to self defence is crystal clear, if you want to go the extreme. It is legal to kill someone in self defence.
  • If you can prove that you acted with reasonable force and held an honest belief that you or others or property were in danger you acted within the law.
  • The law is for all
  • You can sue your school for taking away these rights

martial arts breed violence

There’s the legal stuff, now here’s the psychological implications, maybe?

What kind of person would tell a child not to defend themselves?

What message is that giving to them and how does that help when they enter the big wide world on their own?

Imagine putting your child in a boxing ring with another child and saying, “Don’t hit back” Imagine the stress, imagine how helpless and alone and frightening that would be.

Now imagine saying “if you hit back i will punish you, and there are 100 people watching.

Not only can they not stand up for themselves or their friends but they are going to get punished for doing so.

What kind of world is that?

Now explain to me how the above example is any different than sending your kids to school where they are being bullied every day. Sending them there saying, you cannot defend yourself, the teacher said so and they have told us they will call in the police if you do.

I’ll tell you the difference, the school day lasts six hours not like six minutes in a boxing ring, the bully knows he can get away with it and cares nothing about the teacher’s threats of isolation or the police. The boxing ring has a referee so if it gets too messy they stop it, the playground is concrete and there are no rules and bullies operate with friends who will kick you when you are down.

Do you think that might cause stress to your child?

Do you think that might cause anxiety, depression? You don’t have to be a genius to work out where that type of thing can lead, it’s dangerous.

It only stops when the bully decides

OR WHEN YOUR CHILD STANDS UP TO THEM

Kids Bullying School Lies – MINIMUM FORCE

Minimum force always, but take no nonsense, stay safe and change schools to one with an ethical policy on self-defence. To a school that recognises bullies exist and need to be stood up to.

If you cannot find one then simply adopt the attitude of the bully

Stick two fingers up to the dumb rule makers and do whats right, deal with the consequences later, you’ll be better off for it in the long run.

Kids class video

Self-defence classes

 

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Martial Arts Breed Violence?

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Martial Arts Breed Violence?

Poppycock 

Martial Arts Breed Violence, this is something we hear a lot.

martial arts breed violence

Often dad brings the kids along and raises concerns that mum believes Martial Arts Breed Violence.

It’s simply not true, ok there might be a small percentage of children that confuse the message early on. Though with good coaching this will be dealt with quickly, and yes, of course, there is always the exception.

Psychopaths make up 1% of the population so knowing that, one in a hundred, well maybe Military school ASAP.

Martial Arts Breed Violence – Play Circuit

Dr. Jaak Panksepp, a neuroscientist, psychologist and psychobiologist has written extensively about the importance of play. He discovered the motivations that the play circuit develops in kids and adults.

Some believe this work to be so important a discovery that the Nobel prize is fitting.

Martial arts develops the play circuit in children and adults. Rough and tumble play clearly defines the differences between aggression and assertiveness. While playing, supervised as in a martial arts classroom setting. Or alone with friends, an extremely important distinction. Children learn what boundaries are acceptable to the group and what is aggression and what is assertiveness.

Martial Arts Breed Violence – Ethics

Play also develops ethics. Martial arts develops ethics and fair play. Games, the classroom, the dojo. Well, there are rules, mostly unspoken otherwise the academy would be wall to wall posters and rules and that’s not much fun for anyone.

Over time the rules of the group, the culture become clear. People that don’t abide by the rules or ethics generally are not accepted into the group. We do get a few of these in the club every now and then, they simply find another club where their behaviour is acceptable, and that’s how society functions.

From street gangs to Olympic teams, the culture of the group dictates.

Martial Arts Breed Violence – Nonsense

No, is basically the answer to “Do Martial Arts Breed Violence”?

But we get it, on the surface, it can appear as if it does.

Remember – It’s better to be a warrior in the garden than a gardener on the battlefield. 

MORE RAMBLINGS

 

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Mum Knows Best

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Mum Knows Best

Or Does She?

There’s a lot of pressure with kids these days for parents to get everything perfect. Relax, the good parent fails and everything will turn out ok, No one knows best.

The Overbearing Mother, what kid would want to leave home if its made of sweets and everything is done for them? There’s a reason she’s a witch you know..

Mum Knows Best – Responsibility

One of the things you can do that is indisputable and of huge benefit for all is this

Give your kids more control over their own lives, this is without a doubt one of the most important things you can do. Responsibility breeds confidence and the feeling of autonomy is empowering for children.

It shows you trust them to make their own decisions, now you, of course, need to lead a little

Mum Knows Best – Consultant

We’re not talking handing over complete control here. As parents you give guidance, explain the negatives and positives in the different choices available. The ultimate decision should be the kids, and of course, a five-year-old will require a different approach than a hormonal teenager.

The evidence is in and the same applies to kids with ADHD and the wide range of disorders that are ever increasing.

Mum Knows Best – Anxiety Made Worse

It may feel like the right thing to do to protect kids with anxiety a little more than is usual. This can be the single worse thing you can do. It’s well studied, documented and agreed in virtually every profession worth its salt. That over protecting children with anxiety leads to far worse anxiety that can lead to depression and worse.

Overprotecting kids can cause anxiety as it can be interpreted by the child as mistrust. They feel they have no control which is a huge contributing factor to anxiety and depression

Mum Knows Best – Lack Of Control

Think about it, when you feel you have little control over external circumstances it’s somewhat worrying, even frightening. Now think how a ten-year-old or a fifteen-year-old feel. They are going through important brain development stages. They are fantastic at noticing behaviours and such things as control by parents but they are terrible at interpreting them.

Now add the amygdala response feeding cortisol into the system as they feel a lack of control, all this during serious brain development stages.

Mum Knows Best – Don’t Panic

Don’t steal responsibility from them, you won’t be around forever. Or worse, you will be.

“They come to this planet through you, though they are not …….” your’s”

They own their own lives, their problems are their own, control is an illusion.

If this subject fascinates you as much as it does me then here is a great book, to begin with

SOME RAMBLINGS

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Brave Kids

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Brave Kids

Brave kids, It’s less common to hear these days but an old known fact “Make them brave, not safe” is making a come back.

brave kids

Brave Kids- The Law

UTAH in the US has just passed a new law making it legal for parents to allow their kids out alone.

Let me repeat that. It’s now legal in UTAH to allow your kids to walk to school or play out on their own.

Why I hear you ask was it ever illegal?

The last few decades we have been guilty of wrapping our kids in cotton wool and its having negative social effects as well as mental health effects.

I’ll be writing in more depth about that this year as ive been deep in study covering this subject and i have a lot to say.

Brave Kids – Illusions?

Making kids safe is an illusion or at best massively misunderstood. For example, why did injuries in car accidents go up when baby seats were made law?

It is of course instinctive to make them safe but we do it at a cost. I’m not talking taking stupid risks here. Wear a helmet on your bike and be sensible, but take risks, you have to take risks.

We have thousands of stories and classic literature warning us of the dangers of the overbearing parent. There are fantastic tales with archetypal characters that represent the human psyche. The world is full of these stories, from Disney to Buddhism the warnings are there.

Brave Kids – Build them

So finally in UTAH, parents can let their children walk to school without being arrested. This shouldn’t be news, this shouldn’t be happening. The fact that it is, happens to be both good and bad. Good its happening, bad it ever was.

I wouldn’t normally post an advert, I despise most marketing (except my own) but this video has a great message

OTHER MUSINGS

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Don’t Steal From Your Children

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Don’t Steal From Your Children

Your Too Helpful

Don’t steal from your children – You Tinkers

The moment your child can tie their own laces, make their own bed and pack their own equipment before training. This should now be their responsibility forever more. Doing it for them is robbing them of responsibility and essential skills for life.

Don't steal from your children

Don’t steal from your children – Start Young

You’ve no doubt heard someone repeat the following from someone, ive even heard this reported in the news. I mean the news report it as if a crime. That’s the sort of moral punch these actions carry

“It’s awful, they sacked her for work via a text message” or “She dumped him on Facebook, how terrible”

So the person sending these text messages and Facebook dear Johns learnt that behaviour from somewhere. I mean it must seem acceptable to them in some weird reality.

Don’t steal from your children – Seeing the lessons

I believe it boils down to responsibility and we start teaching that age 5 in our classes. Now here’s an example of how the above behaviour becomes acceptable.

James is 6 years old, he’s been at his martial arts club for a year now. He decides he wants to leave and try football. Nothing wrong with that. We all leave, I left my coach and he left his coach.

Now, when I left my coach I went to see him and I thanked him for his mentoring and passion. In fact, every single relationship I’ve ever been in when its time to move on I’ve made that dreaded visit and spoken face to face.

Don’t steal from your children – Take Responsibility

So James wants to leave after a year, so dad calls into the club to say he’s leaving. Now is dad going to tell James’s girlfriend they are splitting up? Or is dad going into work for James and telling them he’s got a new job.

Doubtful isn’t it, now I’m being silly but you get my point?

James aged 5 would be served well by parents if he were taught to speak to the people he’s in relationships with himself.

Don't steal from your children

Don’t steal from your children – Release good manners in the world

Its basically good manners, you’re releasing them into the world to figure so much out its mindboggling. If the basics are taught at an early age it makes things much smoother

You get out of this life what you put in, I’m not on about hippy nonsense here.

Like push ups, you do sloppy push ups in practice. You get sloppy push ups as a result

Relationships are the same. Give them little value and you get relationships with little value. Our human connections should be cherished and our friendships should be worked on, they take effort.

OTHER WORDS ON HERE YOU MIGHT LIKE

We always offer a free trial in all our classes. We also recommend trying a few other clubs out first. Don’t go buying the first car you test drive, you need to make an informed decision.

Call Paula on 01522 543 787 to book your free trial

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