Beer at 9am

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My Triathlon Experience

(Well i only did the bikey bit)

So i had 1 hours sleep in a tent and up at 5am to the start line with my team Bev & Steve

Steve was off first swimming at 7am in lovely UK brown water and then it was me to go. 26 miles of roadwork, weird bit was people clapping and cheering, i was merely riding my bike like i do for fun most weeks, but i waved back and pushed on. 

Then Bev was off for her run so while she was off i went to get a can of stella from the car that i had brought to celebrate our effort. Now there was music playing and people cheering and the atmosphere was pretty cool so i cracked open my can and got a few weird looks, bugger you i thought, i earned this.


So i decided to call Paula and let her know how we were doing when i looked at my phone it was just 9am, there i was with my can of stella in my golf pants. Id completely forgot what time it was, so i decided to start stretching to blend in, then i realised i looked like some odd art installation, stella in hand upside down.

I was not wasting the stella, so gulped it down and went to the finish line. That was the best bit for me, watching people cross the line was emotional. from young to 70 years old, some looked like they were about to die, some looked blissed out, some cartwheeled and some collapsed with exhaustion. 

All in all good fun and good company



Off The Mats As On

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On The Mats As Off The Mats

So how does your martial art training improve your life off the mats?

There are the obvious answers like improved confidence and self esteem, getting fitter and healthier but they sort of happen by default for most people, just keep turning up and they happen.

Lets look deeper and life hack the martial arts

I’ll start with a story that most of us can relate too.

On the mats wrestling/grappling/kickboxing whatever is your thing ok. So its pressure testing sparring time and theres the dude that gets mad all the time, gets mad when he gets dominated, gets mad when he doesn’t get his way, gets mad when things don’t work. He spits his dummy out and sometimes storms off, makes excuses and moans alot, he’s in a heavy learning stage, he will with good coaching and a good crew eventually work out his frustrations, calm done and start to see the light.

Overtime with coaching he develops his game and creates a plan of attack, as he trains more and becomes more intelligent with his approach he creates an A game and a B game and even maybe a C game plan. So now when he enters into the game he follows a plan and if it goes wrong he has a back up and then aims to get back on track with a tried and tested approach.

Lets look at the Hack

Martial arts training journal

Im going to use an example we have either all experienced or know someone who has. 

WORK, that bloody awful job. 

I have friends that have worked in jobs they hate for over 20 years and its something i hear all the time from people “I hate my job” they’ll post about it on Facebook they’ll moan about it in the pub, they moan when it doesn’t go their way, moan when they have to go that extra mile, moan they know better than the boss (if thats true do his job then) and on and on. 


So on the mats when you didn’t like your situation you worked out how to improve it, you created a plan and stuck to it, tweeked it when needed and worked hard to break free from the moaning grumpy mardy bum you were into someone now enjoying the situation. 


Create a plan if you don’t like your job, write down a plan to escape the hold it has on you. Thats your moan, keep it to yourself, basically suck it up and work on your plan. Dont go on Facebook or to the pub bringing the world down to a depressing level of moody mardy moan. (TOUGH LOVE)

Your plan can be huge or small, it can be simple or fancy ( i like simple) but you must have one. 

Simply put next time you find yourself moaning, look at your plan. If you don’t have one then you have no right to moan, your like Homer Simpson prodding his tooth and crying over and over and over again. Make a plan to get to the bloody dentist ya nutter. 

Off The Mats As On The Mats

Talent Vs Hard Work

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The Hare and the tortoise.

Success mike and stu

Ive seen this a lot over the years, new member joins the gym and picks stuff up so fast. All the other members are blown away and impressed by the seemingly effortless talent. I immediately think, “slightly higher maintenance relationship”

Now thats not a negative thing to say, its my job to notice these things and deliver the required coaching.

So heres how its played out so many times over the years, and i hope this resonates with some of you.

The ones who pick it up quick often get bored quicker or lose interest quicker and go looking for alternative stimuli. While their away missing a class or 2, i mean a class or 2 is no big deal right?

Well during those classes the tortoise gets the basics drilled and drilled and the tortoise never misses a class and stays consistent. The tortoise gets 10 reps in to every 8 of the hare, now that might not sound a lot but that means the what the hare does in 4 years the tortoise does in 3, thats a whole year of extra training and thats without missing any classes. Just attending the same classes and getting in 2 extra reps with a methodical consistent approach can make all the difference.

Now what happens is the hare returns to class after flying their remote control plane at the local model plane club where their also regarded as talented and the swimming club and the football club and the, yeah you get it talented at everything they touch club.

So they return to the martial arts club and they grapple with the tortoise, but now the tortoise is in control and the talent isn’t cutting it. They now feel frustrated and de moralised, i mean this just doesn’t happen at the other clubs (YET) they are the kiddy the gifted but now the scrawny little kids are all over them.

They go home deflated and now miss a few more classes, i mean why would you want to go to a class and be dominated and lose against tortoises?

And here lies the vicious circle of unfocused talent.

Consistency and focus are not just important for martial arts but in many areas of your life.

Wherever you are, be all there and be there often as hard work will almost always beat talent. 



Interclub April 2015

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See The Video’s Below

More To Be Added Soon

Well done all, you did so well.

Vipers were amazing, some wonderful attitude and technique, very proud indeed. It was so difficult to decide on a winner as the skill levels were so well matched.

Cadets, wow girl power in the arena, again fantastic attitude and effort giving the boys a hard time but great skill and sportsmanship from all.

Adults, some big steps taken for a few today, some lovely technical skill on display and some heart.

There was a few tears as expected, its a contact sport but the objectives were met and were so proud of you all. The purpose was purely to build confidence and i know you all felt the pressure, even the guys who have competed at larger shows admitted this afterwards.

I could hear the breathing from the stress and the emotions in the eyes, this is what its all about, pushing each other to places in the mind and body that most people will never experience.

Its character building stuff and will pay dividends over the years and throughout your life. It toughens the mind and body and it strengthens the mind body connection, and you cannot put a price on that.

I know as parents if your child’s out there it can be uncomfortable, it should be unless your a bit of a monster. We understand this and we value the responsibility you put in us as professionals to make sure your children are looked after and safe. They are in good hands and we would never let anything go on that was negative to anyones growth as a human, its all about team and sportsmanship and today it was abundant, not just from the competitors but the parents and others watching the event.

We salute you all.



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Saturday 18th April 2015

Louth vs Lincoln vs Retford

Priceless Moment only earned through training and TEAM

Priceless Moment only earned through training and TEAM

Kickboxing – Grappling – Strike & Grapple Competition

Its our first inter-club so hope your as excited as we are.

Please book your place as soon as possible reducing the chaos and last minute madness will help us lead much calmer zen like lives. Peace..

The competition is open to anyone who trains at Function First academies.

  • Vipers year 2 and above
  • Cadets all levels
  • Adults all arts and levels

The aim is to have fun and build confidence in our team, if your aim is to compete in the future then this is a must for you as it’s all part of our competition team training.

If your not interested in competing but would like to pressure test your work in a safe friendly familiar environment then this is for you also.

mma assessment june 2014


You can choose to either

  • Grapple/wrestle
  • Stand up striking takedowns optional, no knees or elbows
  • Striking and grappling mix

You can also enter as many times as you wish as long as we have someone for you to compete with and as its a Function First only event we are not concerned about weight classes. We will look after and monitor carefully the activities and as your all a friendly bunch everything will be done in a true party atmosphere.


There will be medals and prizes to win for best in competition, best of the day and so on and the event costs just £10.00 to enter.

Please book your place well in advance so we can make the arrangements stress free for us. Last minute bookings always add to the chaos so please help us out by preparing to succeed.





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Simple & Lovely


Serves 1

  • 1 banana, mashed
  • 1 free-range egg
  • 1 tsp of coconut, shredded
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • Vanilla Extract, dash (Optional)


1. Mash one whole banana and lightly beat with an egg.2. For extra flavor, add coconut chips, vanilla extract (just a dash) and cinnamon.

3. Pour this mixture into a frying pan and cook as you would a regular pancake. coconut oil adds a lovely flavour to the pancake.

4. Take care to not burn the edges flipping when browned on either side.

5. Serve with yoghurt and fruit and Enjoy!


Dogs Home Collection

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Doris Banham’s Dog’s Home



Each December we collect food, toys and things (see list below) for the Doris Banham dog’s home.

Doris Banham has sites/kennels all over Lincolnshire and they really need our help.

WAYS TO DONATE.. Drop any of the following off at FF Lincoln Or Retford academies

  • Dog toys
  • Dog Blankets
  • Dog Collars
  • Towels
  • Dog Food

Doris Banham also have charity shops so you can drop off at FF academies

  • Human toys
  • Human clothes
  • Anything a human might like to buy from a human shop raising money for humans best friend

Visit the Doris Banham website HERE



Street Fighting Cage monster

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Its cold out, i’ll stay in tonight

Going out to all martial artists all over the world, except maybe California.

I was off to Nottingham the other night, i know i’m crazy me.


On my way in to the city around 8pm dark cold and drizzling with icy cold rain i watched the playing fields flood lit up filled with youngsters playing rugby and football.

Running around in the rain with shorts on, diving into the mud and loving it.

It’s easy to choose the sofa and cake especially after a hard days work when its dark and cold out, but get your behind off that sofa.

We need to keep up the tough guy/girl image and we cant do it on our own.

See you on the soft warm mats soon.




Student’s Of The Month

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 February 2015 Crew Well Done

Student’s of the month are chosen not only because they train hard but for many small things that make a difference.

  • Good manners and attitude
  • Always wearing uniform
  • Helping others
  • Good reports from home or school
  • Showing respect to parents, self, each other and coaches







Gradings Dec 2014

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Grading Goodness

Saturday & Sunday

6th – 7th December

Time to celebrate our achievements

Time to celebrate our achievements

Lincoln List Below, Retford & Louth to Confirm. We will update the list soon.

As always, if we have missed you off the list or spelt your name wrong then please let us know.

You’ll all be getting your grading letter/invite but get these dates in your diary and until then train hard and have fun.

KEY To list

** = Low attendance, may need to make up a couple of classes

*** = Vipers that have moved up to cadets and have been re assessed


  • Josh Miller will be grading for his Black Belt Stage 1 FTX
  • Maxwell Wall blue grade FTX
  • Max Szydlowski FTX
  • Abbi Roberts Blue grade FTX
  • Christan Bruce Brown stripe 2 FTX

KRAV MAGA 3.30pm Sunday 7th December

  • Julian Sowden – Blue Stripe
  • Paul Taylor – Blue stripe
  • Gary Murray – Purple stripe
  • Alex Wilhelm – Red

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